Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

Oh my. It's been awhile.. Hasn't it? I believe the last time I wrote you I experienced my first heartbreak. Well here we are... And two months ago.. I experienced heartbreak #2. 

I find myself right back where I started. My love.. I think I'm ready to give up. I just don't believe love and I get along. Love just isn't fair to me. Why is that? I can't understand. I put so much of myself into it, and it slaps me in the face. It laughs at me.. Takes joy in my suffering. It pulls at my confidence and makes me feel pathetic and worthless. 

Whenever I want to find comfort, I think of you. I think of your smile, your eyes, the kind of heart you might have. Hopefully you have beaten down all my walls and understand how scary I find love to be. But I also hope that you've given me a reason to believe in it all again. 

I wonder if we've met. If we haven't yet.. I hope we meet soon. As weird as this sounds I just wish I could see you right now. I just want to hear you say, "It's okay. Keep going because I'm here. And you'll be with me soon. Don't stop believing that I'll find you."

I know with time that maybe I'll start to open up again. I'm just afraid of ending up back where I started. I hate being broken. I want to be whole again. By the time you read this.. I'll have found you.. And you'll be the guy that never leaves. 

I picture that our relationship will be like Alex and Lena in Delirium. I'll be hesitant and I'll say to you, "I don't know any other way." And you look at me.. Your eyes full of hope and love as you whisper, "Let me show you." Just like that, I believe. Why? Because your honesty overwhelms me and there's too much truth in your voice and in your kiss. Wow, that's so cheesy. But I can't help it. ;)

I love you. I promise I will get through this. I promise I will find you. My heart is ready to find you. I look forward to staring into your eyes and falling in love with you everyday for the rest of my life. You're definitely in for a treat because I'll probably read you poetry every night and sing you silly love songs.. So I'm kind of excited. 

I'm praying for you. I'm ready to see what kind of future we'll have together. I know it's going to be beautiful. We're going to move mountains and put everyone in awe of our love. I just know it. :)

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Your bride,

Jessalyn