I have never been this serious before in my life. I'm tired of the way I've been living. I'm tired of this empty pit inside of my heart. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm done with this.
God has been working on me, truly He has. Tonight.. I finally poured my heart out to Him.
This past week has been such an emotional experience for me. I felt as if everything around me was caving in on me. And honestly... Everything was. But I've fought so hard.. and I will win.
I've tried to pray several times, but it got me nowhere. I wasn't doing enough. Praying was painful. I would stop in the middle of my sentence and just quit. But not tonight.
I actually opened up my heart and cried out to Jesus. My prayer was so simple, and went a little like this:
"God.. I surrender. I'm so sorry. For everything. The way I've been living, the way I've acted, it's not me at all. I'm sorry that I've been so dependent on others and not You. I have put so much of myself into making others happy and I've depended on them for my happiness, and I've been left disappointed over and over again. I don't want to live this way anymore. I want Your love, I want Your heart. My heart is so worn and empty. I need You now more than ever."
It's going to be a long, tough road. This doesn't mean I won't have days when I'm so lonely and empty. This just means that I'm done living in this emptiness constantly. From now on.. My source of happiness is going to come from God's love, He's the only one who will not fail me. I can depend on Him and never have to live in fear of being hurt by Him. And to me, that's truly special.
Maybe you're feeling the way I was. That you were tired of the way you've been living. Have you felt distant from God? Have you depended so much on others, only to be disappointed? You aren't alone. You truly aren't.
Whether you were disappointed from a relationship that you put your whole heart into, only to not have the same effort returned, to a close friend or family member hurting you, it doesn't matter. We've all been there. It's time to make a change, if you're tired of it. Take a stand for yourself and do yourself a favor.
It's time to surrender. All of it. To God. Feel free to say a prayer of your own or repeat the prayer I said to God. Whatever you want to do, do it. Do it and be free. It's not going to be easy, but you aren't walking through this messy life alone. God has your best interest at heart and He wants to help you.
Change can be good. Make sure this change is right for you. Be blessed.
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