A journey down a broken road

Someone special in my life told me I should start my own blog and get my thoughts out there, so here I am. Although I never dreamed that my first actual blog post would be written under these circumstances. 

I don't really know what to do with my life right now. I was on top of the world.. I really was. There's this saying from my favorite TV show that goes like this, "When you're young, you think that nothing can hurt you." 

This saying is true. I thought nothing could hurt me because I was finally content with everything. But here I am. 

How did I end up here?

This is all I can ask. I've loved people with every inch of my being, only to have it all spit in my face. 

I thought I was good enough.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I'm not good enough. But then I think to all those promises in the Bible where Jesus says I am loved, I am worthy, I am HIS.

I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry.

My relationship with Jesus is the only thing keeping me sane right now. I would be much more of a mess than I already am if I didn't have His love. So although I don't understand now, I know that I serve a God who works all things together for the good of those who love Him. 

It still hurts. It's always going to hurt. I'm never going to be the same person again. But there's so much beauty in pain. I just want to find the beauty in my pain. If I could choose.. I'd go back to the way things were. Because the thought of moving on and being happy again kills me. 

This broken road seems so long and difficult to walk on.. But I have no where else to turn to now. All I can do is pray and hope. I just want my own happy ending. 

I'm sure I'm not the only one experiencing something like this right now. Here's my advice to you: You're going to be okay. It's hard saying that.. But I know in my heart it's true. Jesus heals all wounds. He mends all hearts. He sees, He feels, and He walks through it with you. He collects every tear you shed in a bottle. He has so much in store for you. He turns pain into something beautiful. He's never failed, and He won't start now. So cry, scream, punch a wall, binge watch One Tree Hill, eat your heart out, and then pray. Surrender to Jesus. Let Him take your broken pieces. 

To conclude this blog post, I'll leave you with yet again another quote from my favorite TV show.

"The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away, he waited his entire life for it to come back to him. It was more than just a comet because of what it brought to his life: direction, beauty, meaning. There are many who couldn't understand, and sometimes he walked among them. But even in his darkest hours, he knew in his heart that someday it would return to him, and his world would be whole again.. And his belief in God and love and art would be reawakened in his heart."

I'll never give up on my comet..