It’s been awhile, but hello!!
I want to apologize. Being a writing major in college requires a work load of papers and papers and papers. I’m trying to figure out how I survived the semester if I’m being honest. I was writing so many papers that by the end of the semester, my brain was mush. I have taken a much-needed break to let my brain recharge. I’ve been doing things I love like reading and catching up on all the shows I have gotten behind on since being in school. But I haven’t disappeared, and I am back to talk about 2018 and my hopes and wishes for 2019.
When coming into the new year, I always go back and read the blog post I had written for the upcoming year. I read my blog post for 2018, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little. I had high expectations for 2018—which stems from the fact that 2017 was a big struggle for me. I wanted things to be different in 2018. I wanted to finally believe in myself again.
My favorite writer, Hannah Brencher, had written something in 2017 that I wanted to be my motto for 2018, which was, “You have to believe that you deserve good things.” I wanted to believe that more than anything else. I’ve never been the kind of person to believe this over myself. I can sit here and write blog posts where I encourage you, the reader, that you’re incredible and worthy and radiant, but I can never believe it about myself. I wanted to change that.
There were several moments in 2018 when I would just whisper quietly to myself, “You deserve good things. You deserve good things.” Even if I didn’t fully believe what I was saying, I would drown out the lies with this little saying. I never realized when I made this my motto for the year how important it would become to me.
I think back on the year and I’m just so proud of myself and the things I accomplished. I’m proud of the growth and maturity. I’m proud of the things I’ve written, the friends I’ve made, and the ability to let go of people and remove myself from situations when I noticed they no longer served a place in my life. It really was a year of highs and lows, and I hope one day I can share all of that with you.
If I’m being honest, I want to carry my motto of 2018 into 2019. Here’s the thing: I knew to drown out the lies with truth. I would confess that motto over my life in moments when I needed it, but I didn’t fully believe what I was saying. I feel as though this will take time before I truly believe it.
I had a dream in November about it. In the dream, I was getting a tattoo. If you know me, you know I hate needles. I don’t think I could ever get a tattoo for that reason alone. But in my dream, I was so insistent about getting a tattoo that said, “You deserve good things.” I remember not knowing where I would put it, but I just knew I needed it on my body. I told my friends the dream and they really believed that maybe God was trying to remind me of my motto. This was in a really stressful, confusing season for me. I wasn’t telling myself the motto while a bunch of stuff was happening to me. How sweet is Jesus that He would remind me when I needed it most?
I want to encourage you right now. This next year, please believe in yourself. Please be kind to your heart and practice good self-care. Invest in the people who pour into you and make you a better person. Don’t be afraid to walk away from things that aren’t good for you. I walked away from a person and a situation that broke me down, made me feel slightly crazy and so worthless... and as much as walking away hurt me, I realized what I deserved and realized I was more hurt staying in the situation than I would be walking away. If you think you can’t walk away, you’re wrong. You can and I believe you will find better when you do. Who you surround yourself with leaves a greater impact than you think. I am so thankful for the friendships in my life and my wonderful family. I don’t want to imagine who I’d be if I didn’t have them in my life. I said it last year but I want to remind you of it again: only good things here.
Make resolutions, but stick to them if you do. Fall in love. Try something new. Eat healthier. Be present. If I learned anything in my writing class this last semester, it was to look up and take in the world around you. The world and the beautiful people in it are inspirations for new ideas, stories, hopes, and dreams. You can start fresh. You can change the things you don’t like about yourself. You can do hard things this year. A new year is all about new beginnings, and I’ll gladly welcome it and look at it with enthusiasm. I hope you do the same.
I’m rooting for you. I’m believing in you. I only want good things for you in 2019.
-Jessalyn
