Dreaming with Jess

When you hear the word dreams, what is the first thing that pops in your head?

I think of my name written on books in stores, with people lining up to buy a copy.  This is my dream. This is everything I could want in life. I firmly believe that what I'm meant to do for the rest of my life is give the world my thoughts, my words, and my feelings. It seems strange, but I feel like I have something to offer the world, something greater than myself, something that could only come from God.

Now think back to the question I asked. Whatever comes to mind more than likely is significant to you in some way.

But what exactly is a dream? I could try to explain this but it's just much easier to pull the definition off of Google so that is what I will do. There is three different ways to define dreams.

• a series of thoughts, visions, or feelings that happen during sleep

• an idea or vision that is created in your imagination and that is not real

• something that you have wanted very much to do, be, or have for a long time


We all dream. It is something that is instilled into our being from the moment we're conceived and our dreams play a vital role in our lives. They reveal to us our deep desires and often times they are what pushes us to work hard and be successful.

If you have not figured this out already, I will say it now. I'm a dreamer. Meaning my dreams are big and I have many of them and I think about them all the time. Sometimes I feel my dreams are so close that I could just touch them, while other times they seem too far away and nearly impossible to make a reality. I'm constantly trapped between fantasy and reality. I find myself wandering in my own thoughts frequently, and it's something that is difficult to control. I like to blame it on the fact that I'm a writer, but I'm not entirely sure that's an accurate assumption.

Another thing about me is that I love discussing and hearing other people's dreams. There is something so fascinating about understanding what goes on inside of someone else. I feel like I can learn so much about someone just by knowing their dreams. I long to know and understand what causes a fire inside of another person, the kind of fire I get whenever I'm writing. We all have something that starts a fire within us, and I have a strong passion to help ignite whatever it is.

I have this other dream that I really want to get out there. I want to start a movement. A movement where you, my reader, reach out to me, whether it's through social media or text message or in person, and tell me your dreams, goals, or what you wish to happen in your life. I want to write it down and I want to encourage you, lift you up, and be your support in that dream. I want to pray for you and believe with you in what you're doing and pursuing. It's that easy, all you have to do is reach out to me, and I would LOVE to speak life into your dreams. People are so afraid to talk about their dreams because of the fear of getting laughed at or called weird for having that dream. I just want you to know your dreams are safe with me and to know I'm gonna be your biggest fan and I'm gonna be praying for your dreams to become a reality in your life.

This is one of those things that has been tugging on my heart and I don't want to ignore it. I don't want to push it aside. Sometimes God places things into our hearts and we can't pretend like it's not there. Sometimes He calls us to act on it. 

Even if only one person reaches out to me... that would be enough. I want to make a difference for several lives but if only one is willing to reach out to me then that's okay. I've been thinking a lot lately. I'm a senior in high school, and next year I'm heading out into the "real world" where I will be starting the beginning of my adult life. And I will be leaving high school and leaving people I have grown up with. I just don't want to graduate from high school feeling like I didn't make a difference. I want to TRY to do something that will leave a mark on somebody.

 If you give me a chance, I won't let you down. No matter what age you are.. I want to dream with you. God has placed something within you, it's time you discover it and breathe some life into it.

Here you are safe. Here you are valuable. Here your dreams are appreciated. 

This movement is called Dreaming with Jess, and I invite you to be apart of it. 

A Dance Floor Of Disappointment

Something I've come to realize about people is we all have one thing in common: our desire and need for love. You could deny all you want that you don't desire love, but quit fooling yourself. We're human beings, it's in our nature. In fact, God instilled that into our hearts when He crafted us. 

We look for love in different places, and sometimes we tend to forget exactly who Love really is. I'll be the first to admit.. I do it 24/7. I romanticize romance. I stick "Loved by True Love Himself" in my bio, but do I really believe Jesus is True Love Himself? I tell myself I'm perfectly content being single, but I know and everyone else knows I'm not always content. 

I'm aware I'm totally roasting myself right now, but it's part of being a blogger and writer and doing what I'm doing. I can't preach stuff to you all and not apply it in my own life. Half the things I write about I'm guilty of, and I constantly have to take my own advice. I'm just as guilty (if not more guilty) than anyone else.

I'm going to be real here. I get embarrassed admitting stuff like this.. But here we go. I want love. I really do. At night I lay there listening to worship music, and with each song, the lyrics are pouring into my heart, and all I can think about is how it's so lonely listening to such beautiful songs by myself. I just want to find someone to listen to all these songs with... someone to experience this.. feeling with. That feeling of God's presence in my heart. I want someone who will be just as obsessed with worship music as I am. To me.. That's the ultimate relationship goals, finding that person to listen to worship music with. Seems silly, right? But to me it's really not. 

I'm so young, I'm so naive and probably so not ready for it all yet, but the want and the need is there. When I want something and desire it, it's all I think about. 

Carl Lentz, a preacher from Hillsong Church in New York City, did a sermon where he talked about dating. He was straight preaching some truth, and it gave me this whole new perspective on dating. He said to occupy your lane, occupy your street. Run your race towards God, with your head down, and keep running to Him. Eventually, you can look up, and you'll see someone running their own race too. He said we need that, someone occupying their own street, not someone watching us occupy ours. That's just an incredible way of looking at it. I seriously recommend everyone look up the video on YouTube because he goes into great depth and I promise you'll take something away from it. Watch it and meditate on Matthew 6:33, "But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right—the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also." (AMP)

Here's some more truth that will embarrass me: this summer has been a bit of a whirlwind for me. A lot of disappointments, a lot of rejections. I keep asking myself why I get my hopes up, why nothing goes the way I want it to. I throw the blame on myself. 

If you had just done this... 

If you had just said this..

If you would pursue God more..

If you would stop having impossible standards..

If you were prettier..

If you would stop being so hesitant..

Isn't it amazing how the enemy likes to plant these kind of thoughts in our heads? Sometimes things don't work out, sometimes it doesn't always go our way, but I have to ask myself, does it really matter that much? I have to pick my head up, and keep occupying my lane. I should dance, I should sing, I should praise Jesus because it didn't work out. Greater things are ahead for me.

Amanda Cook said it best:

"Isn't it just like God to turn our disappointments into a dance floor?"

Hear me out people: we all will experience hurts, disappointments, rejection. We will want to blame ourselves for things not working out, we will feel unworthy of love. We cannot believe these lies. That's all they are... Just lies. Jesus really is True Love Himself, and you.. YOU are loved by True Love Himself. You have to believe that. While searching on Tumblr one day, I found this little saying and it just hit me like a brick, especially since I had been feeling so much pain from rejection.

"Jesus knew about rejection His entire time on Earth, but it did not change how He loved."

HOW GOOD IS THAT?! Don't stop loving just because you've felt rejected from someone or something. I want to strive to be like Jesus, not letting rejection change how I love. 

I love the idea of life being like a big dance with Jesus. I had never thought of it that way until I listened to a song from Bethel Music called We Dance. Here's the thing though: when we're dancing with Jesus, we tend to focus our eyes on the floor, watching our feet, hoping we don't trip or step on another's foot. And when we're not staring at the floor, we're looking around the room at everyone else, hoping to find the perfect person to cut in and sweep us off our feet. 

This is the perfect example of me. It's exactly what I do. I look around at everyone else, hoping for that perfect guy to be my dance partner. That's not what I should be doing, it's not what you should be doing. Instead, we should be locking eyes on Jesus, the One who is leading us in this dance. He's whispering, "I know how badly you ache to be loved. But look into My eyes, don't you see the love I have for you?" 

I get so caught up in my loneliness and my desire for love that I'm not even locking eyes with Jesus. Silly me, no wonder I get hurt so much. Who could ever love me more than Jesus? Who could possibly be a better dance partner than Him?

What I want you to take away from this is to embrace rejection, embrace the loneliness and the disappointments. Look to Jesus.. He will teach you how to create a dance floor on it all. Stop looking at your feet, stop looking around, and lock eyes with Jesus. He is the only source of good, pure water in this world. I know you're thirsty for something more.. And I promise you He is what you're longing for.

"You steady me--slow and sweet, we sway--take the lead and I will follow. Finally ready now to close my eyes and just believe that You won't lead me where You don't go.... And I will lock eyes with the One who's ransomed me, the One who gave me joy for mourning. And I will lock eyes with the One who's chosen me, the One who set my feet to dancing.."

A Troubled Heart

"No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me. From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand. Till He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I'll stand."

Today my heart is troubled. Late Friday night I discovered via Twitter that Christina Grimmie had been shot after her concert in Orlando, Florida. Immediately I felt sick inside. I have known of her for many years, because she was basically YouTube famous. I used to listen to her cover with Sam Tsui of "Just A Dream" by Nelly on repeat ALL the time. It was probably my favorite cover she ever did. I remember seeing her audition for the Voice, and knew she was going to be a strong contender. She was so young and her talent was unbelievable. 

I used to listen to her and wonder how someone could make singing like that so easy. She did it flawlessly, and you could see how passionate she was about it. Another thing I admired about her was her faith. She wasn't afraid to express that, because if you watched her videos, you could see it. Her cover of "In Christ Alone" gives me chills from head to toe. 

I said a prayer for her and went to bed Friday night hoping she wasn't seriously hurt. Waking up on Saturday, I checked to see if there was an update on her condition, and my heart just broke. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. She's really gone, that beautiful, talented young girl is gone. She was 22 years old, just living her dream and loving every second of it. I can't even imagine the pain her family is feeling right now. They encouraged her to do what she loved, to sing and make music, but they didn't know it would be because of what she loved that she would one day be taken from them. That to me is absolutely sickening, because that's not how it's supposed to be. 

I watched the video she posted on Twitter the day she died, she was encouraging everyone to come out to see her in Orlando. She looked so excited, so happy. She didn't know what was yet to come. I watched Selena Gomez's tribute with the song "Transfiguration" by Hillsong Worship and wanted to cry because I was so moved and I just felt so sad. Nothing that I say will bring healing to anyone who has been affected by this tragedy. If the words I wrote could bring some form of healing, I would write a million novels right now and I wouldn't stop until I reached that goal. I wish I could say I knew her, really knew her. 

Things happen everyday that are painful and unbearable. We sit and we wonder, "why did this happen?" We can ask this question all day long, but we will get nowhere in doing so. The real truth here is that Satan is real too. He's real just like God. And he really is here to steal, kill, and destroy. 

I'm comforted by the fact that Christina knew Jesus, and I'm certain that where she is is somewhere better than here on Earth. Eternity was in her heart, the longing for Jesus was evident in her life. And now, she is walking in the Light and Truth. I know I never got to meet her here, but I look forward to meeting her on the other side of eternity. She has reminded me of just how precious life is, and I feel like I always forget that.

Satan may think he was victorious on Friday night, but God will always conquer him. There has been so much chaos the past couple of days, shootings happening left and right. Lives being taken, but God is still here. He is still God. In this time we need a Savior. We need that hope that only He can bring. He is the healing in our hearts, He is the comforter for our pain. We have to cling to what is good. As saddened as I am, I know my faith in something greater than myself is stronger, always stronger than anything, even death.

"Now I know, I have seen, the glory that cannot be unseen. I am changed, changing still, as I look upon the Lord and believe. Holy is the Lord revealed before my eyes, and my burning heart can scarcely take it in. As I behold your beauty with unworthy eyes, the only song my soul can find to sing is hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah my King."

The Path Of Sin

Isn't it crazy how one day life is going right, then the next moment everything is crumbling at your feet? I like to think I can be flexible and positive in any circumstance, and keep the faith. I rely deeply on my relationship with God through the biggest struggles in my life. But right now, my faith is shaky. 

It's not that I'm blaming God for what I'm going through, because He's about the only thing that's keeping me going. It's my faith in certain people. It's not always the easiest situation to be in. It will drain you before you know it. I'm battling whether it's time to cut ties or hold on. But I'll be honest here, holding on hurts. A lot. So what about the people who are hurting you, and they don't even realize it? How do you tell them, "stop it, you're hurting me"? They don't get it, they don't understand. Their choices are deeply affecting you, and those around you. They're going their own way, and not looking back. They are willing to sacrifice everything, because they don't see the consequences. 

Let me tell you some truth here: If you choose the path of sin, be prepared to leave those around you wounded. The ones who love you most, the ones who care about your well-being, the knife will cut deeper into them with every choice of sin you make. 

In my own life, I'm finally beginning to understand the pain Jesus feels everyday. I finally see it from His eyes, and the pain is unbearable. We reject Him, we push Him away, we don't listen to Him as we're sinking deeper and deeper into the sea of sin, as He's crying out, "You don't know what you're doing! Come back to me! This isn't what you truly want!" His hand is right there, He's begging us to take hold of it, but we're so blinded and lost in the moment that we don't see it there. 

I get it now. And Jesus, I'm so sorry. I've always asked Him, "Break the things in me that break Your heart," and I've felt so sick inside lately now that my eyes have been opened. It's not worth it. Losing people in your life, losing hold of God, it's not worth it. At the end of the day, we all have a choice. You have a choice, I have a choice. He has set before us death and life. So what will you choose? God says, "choose life." (Deuteronomy 30:19) 

And about cutting ties with people that are hurting you, that decision is ultimately up to you. Are you willing to put up with it? Are you willing to hurt for certain people? I question everyday what I should do. Sometimes maybe the solution is distancing yourself from the hurt. That's what I've tried to do. If I could choose, I'd rather not hurt at all. 

I always find myself quoting lyrics from my favorite worship songs, but they bring me so much comfort. There's this line from a song that says, "In the midst of my darkness, will You shine Your light? Bring me hope again.. speak to me." And goes on to say, "When all is lost, I will find myself in You." No matter what season of life you're in, whatever it is that you're going through, you can find yourself in Him. Always Jesus. 

Letting Go, Falling Into You

There are moments in our lives where we find ourselves lost in confusion and doubt. It's in these moments that you're supposed to really trust God. The problem is doing this can be a great struggle. It's like being stuck in quick sand and telling yourself to stay calm, not to move an inch, and just trust that you'll make it out alive. Or being stuck in a fog. You can't see anything around you, you have no idea where you are, or where you're going. Which direction do you go, and is it possible to find a way out? You have to trust that you're going to make it out even though you can't see what's ahead of you. 

This has become my struggle. I'm sitting here thinking, "Where are we going, God? What is ahead? What is going to come from this?" 

I find myself sinking in the sand, and I'm crying out and thrashing around, which is only making me sink faster. I also find myself in the fog, and I'm wondering what I should do, where I should go from here? Do I trust what's in my heart, and what voice do I follow? Which voice is God's? 

I'll admit whenever things happen in my life, I tend to distance myself from God a little bit. I may be the only person who does this, but it's true. I'm done doing it though, because when I don't pray and seek Him, my circumstances, my thoughts, my struggles, they become worse. I can't do this to myself anymore. Things we don't expect happen, Satan attacks us and those around us, and it's always going to be a battle. 

Ephesians 6:12 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." 

These moments where nothing makes sense, everything is going wrong, when our faith is falling apart, it's these moments we have to take hold of Jesus. There's no other answer here. There's nothing that will fix all the wrongness except Him. The brokenness, the confusion, the doubt.. It doesn't stand a chance against Him. 

If there's one thing I've learned from my life, it's that He will do what He says He will do. He walks this road with us. He experiences everything with us and He knows our hearts more than we do. Whatever happens in my life, I will continue to praise Him. The whole point of this post isn't to talk about my struggles, it's to tell you that we are capable of overcoming them. Jesus already conquered everything you're dealing with. Don't allow yourself to stay in the quick sand, don't allow yourself to stay in the fog. Take His hand, He will help you through it all. 

There's this line from a worship song that I love, and it goes like this, "I'm letting go.. Falling into You." 

I'm striving to make this my life. I'm letting it all go, and I'm falling into You, Jesus. 

Let that be your prayer today.

All You Have Done

"The fear that held us now gives way to Him who is our peace. His final breath upon the cross is now alive in me..."

Today.. This day.. There's so many emotions running through me. I feel so complete in Jesus that sometimes I can't mentally or emotionally handle it. I'm desperately trying to hold back tears right now as I write this because I think about how unworthy I am. I am so unworthy and undeserving of His love. I sometimes question why He would ever bother with me, like why am I even worth His time? I just feel like a complete nobody in a world full of somebody's. What could I ever offer a perfect God?

But the greatest part of the story is the fact that even though none of us are worthy or deserving, He still pursues us. We screw up daily, we make stupid mistakes, we hurt people, we lust after one another, we use each other, and we chase after everything but God, and yet, He still WANTS us. Not only that, He also sees beauty in us despite the fact that we're all broken and incomplete inside. The truth is, we're only complete when we give our hearts to Him.

Today is the day to celebrate Jesus, and how we actually have a chance to live a life much greater than ourselves, thanks to His death and resurrection. I feel like we take for granted what He did for us. We cannot forget what He's done.. The amount of suffering and pain He experienced. He was humiliated and beaten to pay the price of our sins; that is what real, never-ending love looks like. I tend to forget all that He's done for me, but when I do remember, it makes me want to resist my flesh all the more. I need the reminder of Jesus' sacrifice daily, we all do. 

I found this on Tumblr recently, and it really had me thinking about Jesus here on earth. I can't resist sharing! 

"Do you ever just think about Jesus living here on earth?

I think sometimes we tend to think He just bounced from one miracle to another and everyday was a Bible story, but His ministry lasted for three years and the Gospels don’t actually cover that much so
imagine all those ordinary days?

He probably had favorite foods and morning routines and sore dirty feet from walking, while sweat ran in His eyes in the hot Judean sun and He got blisters and hiccups and colds and maybe He snored..

All the times He laughed till He cried, and I bet He had inside jokes with His disciples. Imagine having an inside joke with the person who gives you breath to laugh in the first place..

And He had human skills.. He knew how to build a house and cook and wash his clothes and read.

Imagine passing food at the dinner table and bumping hands with Jesus..

Talking about silly inconsequential things like the weather..

Maybe some nights John was sleepy and he leaned against Jesus and could hear His heartbeat 

Maybe some nights a disciple had insomnia and he climbed out of his bedroll to find Jesus sitting against a rock, looking up at heaven, and they sat and watched the stars together 

(the God of the universe looking up through short-sighted eyes at His creation, and the disciple wants so badly to ask what it was like to shape each star, but he looks at those calloused human hands and something in him trembles) 

do you ever think that the ordinary days so far outnumbered the miraculous ones that the disciples, sometimes, almost forgot..

And then He goes and turns water into wine and feeds five thousand people from a kid’s lunch and brings dead Lazarus walking alive out of the tomb and they just kind of lose their breath..

Not because they didn’t expect deity to accomplish the impossible but because this God has been living with them..

It’s not the miracles that are unthinkable. The human thing is what draws me to Him.. so much more.

~

When you think about it, it's the greatest story ever told. It's the kind of story that even if you don't think it's true, you can't help but find it interesting. We're talking about a perfect God in Heaven who created the stars and the world and humanity. This God that sees the sinful natures of His creation, and how He desperately wants to save His children from the consequences of their sins. Sending His own son to the earth to save us from ourselves. His son became one of us, and He touched every life who encountered Him. It's such a beautiful thing, the most beautiful story I've ever heard. And the best part of it all is I firmly and undoubtlingly believe it is the pure truth.

Easter means when the tomb is empty, my heart is full.

I'm going to end this blog now by sharing lyrics to a song that details everything Easter stands for.

"The moon and stars, they wept. The morning sun was dead. The Savior of the world was fallen. His body on the cross, His blood poured out for us. The weight of every curse upon Him. One final breath He gave, as Heaven looked away. The son of God was laid in darkness. A battle in the grave, the war on death was waged, the power of hell forever broken. The ground began to shake, the stone was rolled away, His perfect love could not be overcome. Now death where is your sting? Our resurrected King has rendered you defeated! Forever He is glorified, forever He is lifted high. Forever He is risen, He is alive, He is alive!"

One Year Anniversary of Blogging

Going through my old blog posts.. I am just amazed--Amazed that I actually started this thing. When I started it, I was basically a mess. It was a terrible time in my life, and I didn't know where I was going or what was going to happen to me. A year later, I am happy, old wounds have slowly but surely healed, and I am better than ever. I am beyond blessed and I recognize that and hope to never take that for granted.

Blogging was something I never thought I would do. I read blogs quite often, but I always thought it wasn't my style. I also thought poetry wasn't my style, but that definitely changed as well as this blogging idea. I truly believe it's changed my life in the best way.

For a period of time.. I actually thought about quitting my blog. And the reason wasn't because I hated it, it was because I felt like I wasn't writing anything worth reading. I felt like nobody cared, nobody was reading it, what was the point? But then I thought to myself,

"If one person reads it and gets something, anything from the words you're writing.. Then it's completely worth it."

Truthfully, I have no idea who all actually reads it. I have no idea the impact I have on the people who do read it. I hope something I say sticks with you or is something you need to hear. I pray that you get something from my blogs. But if not.. That's okay. I will keep writing. I feel led by God to continue on, because it's not about me.. Or about the views. It's about Him, it's about His glory, not my own.

I have many people to thank for supporting me this past year with my blog. My family, my friends, thank you for encouraging me in this. Thank you to my readers.. I'm beyond grateful. Thank you Jesus for being my biggest inspiration and biggest encourager. And William, you deserve your own individual thank you. You were the one who told me again and again, "start your own blog." I never thought I could do it, but you always believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself. I love you with all of my heart, and I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have you as my best friend.

I have so many more things in store for this blog. I've been slacking a little lately, thanks to school and all the stress, but I'm not finished yet. This blog will not be going away anytime soon. :) Be looking! So much love for you all!