Hello, 2016

This is going to be a rather short blog, but I have to reflect on this year. When 2015 rolled around, I was excited. I kept thinking, "this is going to be such a great year for me!" I realized quickly that maybe it wasn't going to be all that great. I got my heart broken at the beginning of the year. It started out wonderful the first two months, then I was knocked down. The impact was not something I expected. It was brutal. All around me was broken pieces, and trying to pick them up took time. The sharp edges hurt and left scars and cuts on me. And even after I picked up the pieces, getting them to stay was not easy. Finnick Odair wasn't lying when he said, "It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart." Even in such a mess that I found myself in, I realized so much about myself. I realized that:

1.) When I love, I love so deeply and strongly that it becomes a burden. But it's also such a blessing. That's why I hurt so easily and the main reason for why I get heartbroken. 

2.) I solely relied on others to make me happy. That's where I went wrong. Happiness shouldn't be determined by how others make you feel, you should find happiness in God and who you are.

3.) I can't let things go. I can't let people go. I can't let memories go. I can't let feelings go. And that's okay. It'll all make a great novel someday. 

Things did get better. Not saying I didn't struggle sometimes, because I did. I spent a lot of time crying and crying and crying until I couldn't cry no more. Many moments I felt my heart was being ripped apart again and again. But I decided to make a change in myself. I needed confidence, to feel less insecure about myself. I changed my hair, and I have no regrets about it. In fact, I love my hair now. And I practiced makeup so I could feel better about my appearance. Now, that may seem stupid, but it helped. I am more confident than I was in the past. I also tried to change inner issues I faced, and in some areas I have succeeded and I am so proud of myself. One thing I will say, is God walked every part of 2015 with me. From the moment my heart was broken to now as I write this. I experienced Him and His love for me in ways I can't describe. This next year, I desire to know Him more. I have dreams of spreading His word to people in whatever way I can. I want my heart to continually burn for Him, and only Him. He has been my rock this year, my love when I had no love. I am ever grateful for that.

I have high hopes for 2016, but I know it will not go how I planned at all. In ways, that's the beauty of it. Not knowing where you'll end up or what will happen. Will good things happen? Bad things? The curiousity is thrilling! I'm praying this year will be full of Jesus, writing, music, laughter, and hopefully a really nice gentleman who will sweep me off my feet! ;) just kidding. I don't need a boyfriend, but I would enjoy one. You hear that, Jesus?!(; 

That's about all I have to write about. Make this next year a good one. Spend time with the people who matter, forget about the ones who don't. You deserve to be happy, don't settle for less than that. I'm praying for each person who reads this. May you be blessed beyond comprehension in 2016. May you find whatever it is that you're looking for and may all your wildest dreams and desires come true!